Marriage and Family class at church every other Sunday.
This opportunity is perfect because I am extremely passionate about
marriages and families (just ask Joshua!).
I have even studied the topic in school as part of my major.
So, I love teaching others the things that I have learned about
strengthening marriages and families!
Today's lesson was on marital unity,
being one as husband and wife,
cleaving to each other and none else.
I love this topic and wanted to share what I have learned from it
because it truly has strengthened my own marriage and I
hope that it may be helpful to others.
(FYI...this is a somewhat lengthy post, but don't let that scare you away! There are
a lot of great ideas here for those who are married, who are dating, or who are planning on getting married sometime soon to become more unified as a couple.)
So, about this 1+1=1 thing...
Basically, it has to do with the idea that
husband and wife must be unified in their marriage.
They must become one.
There are 3 things that married couples can do to become one:
- Treat each other as equal partners.
- Appreciate each other's complementary qualities.
- Be fiercely loyal to each other.
1. Treat each other as equal partners.
Research has found several benefits when couples treat each other as equal partners...
- Greater marital happiness
- Greater individual well-being
- Happier, better functioning children
...just to name a few.
But what does it actually mean to treat each other as equal partners?
To me, it means that husbands and wives share responsibilities.
There is not an established list of "to-do's" for each person.
One person is not singly responsible for finances, dishes, child-care, etc.
Instead, husbands and wives share these responsibilities.
Joshua and I have made it a point in our marriage to share
household, family, spiritual, and other responsibilities in our home.
In doing so, we have a lot more unity and harmony
in our relationship because we do not have expectations for the other person
that may or may not be fulfilled.
Unfulfilled expectations leave couples feeling bitter and angry towards each other.
We all have busy lives! Sometimes, there is not enough time in the day
for one person to get everything done that they need to or want to.
So, it's nice to have a partner, a best friend,
to help and fill in the gaps where we fall short.
That is how equal partnership in marriage should work.
2. Appreciate each other's complementary qualities.
No two people who get married are ever exactly alike. Ever.
They are two different people who come from different families,
different backgrounds, different childhoods, different communities, etc.
So, they each have something very different to offer to the relationship.
Sometimes, these differences can be frustrating! And that's okay.
But rather than try to change the traits or characteristics of the other person
that you may not find "ideal," it is important to embrace those differences
and learn to appreciate them.
Figure out how those differences bless your family and relationship with each other.
For example, I am very very very organized and studious when it comes to school
(like OCD level studious sometimes).
Joshua, on the other hand, is more laid back, likes to have fun,
and isn't too stressed about getting perfect grades.
At first, this was frustrating to me. For me, it is easy to sit down and study for days
and days for an upcoming test or to remember to get
homework assignments done on time (or ahead of time).
I could not understand why Joshua couldn't be the same way!
Well, it is because we are different!
Once I embraced that understanding, I used my talent for organization and studiousness (?)
to assist Joshua in being more organized and studious himself.
Instead of trying to change who he is, I tried to change how I approached the situation.
So, rather than crossing my fingers that Joshua would remember to do his homework,
I would keep up to date with upcoming assignments and remind him to complete them.
At the same time, his talent for relaxing and having fun has blessed my life
by helping me to let go of my stress. He helps me realize that it is okay
to take a break from homework to play a game or get some ice cream or take a nap.
Since making this change, he has been successful in completing his assignments
and I have been less stressed! Amazing what happens when you learn to embrace
your spouse's differences, huh? :)
3. Be fiercely loyal to each other.
This is probably one of the most important keys to being one in marriage.
What is loyalty? What does it mean to be fiercely loyal?
It means that nothing and no one comes between you and your spouse.
Not your children. Not your job. Not your schooling. Not your hobby.
Not anything.
So much of the heartache I see in the lives of married couples comes from a lack of loyalty.
I see it in movies, hear it in music, read it in magazines, and on and on...
Sometimes it is that couples don't have time for each other, don't value each other, or
just don't make an effort to continue learning about each other.
Often, infidelity is the culprit.
I believe marriages can last. I know they can last when couples are fiercely loyal to each other.
How can a marriage fail when both partners are doing everything possible
to ensure the happiness of the other? It just is not possible.
Easier said than done. But it can be done.
I think the greatest way to be fiercely loyal to your spouse
is to do something every day to fight for your marriage
(because if you don't fight for it, there is always
someone or something fighting against it).
Leave a note for your sweetheart. Help with the dishes. Make his/her lunch.
Instead of rushing out the door to class or work or whatever, take a moment
to give your spouse a hug and a kiss and say, "I love you."
It doesn't have to be big and grandiose.
It is the small acts of service and love shown every day that accumulate
into a strong marriage of fiercely loyal spouses.
In conclusion...
I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of marriages and families
and am grateful that I have been given tools of knowledge
to strengthen my own marriage.
I hope that these 3 suggestions for becoming one as
husband and wife have been helpful to you or that
it will be helpful to you at some point in your life.
Feel free to share some of your own experiences with how you have
been more unified with your spouse or significant other.
What has worked for you? What makes you and your sweetheart unified?
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